the Peterborough Senior Center
Image by Matti Kniva Spencer
Clydesides – 09-20-09
The two words most frequently used in English are “and” and “the”. There are ten all told, including a, I, in, you, to, that, for and of.
There are two kinds of people in the world – people who read in the bathroom, and people who don’t.
There’s no easier way to get your name into print than to run for office, which brings up this years candidates. How candid are they?
Death is just nature’s way of telling you, “Hey, you’re not alive anymore.”
Some people lie, others merely prevaricate.
Never help an old lady across the street – escort her. Don’t you just love English?
A sick man calls a doctor. A man who becomes ill summons a physician. The rich man has laryngitis. The poor man has a sore throat.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
A black cow gives white milk that makes yellow butter.
Be careful when you chooses enemies.
If you’re rich, you have to support others, if you’re poor, others have to support you.
Women can’t be trusted too far, men can’t be trusted too near.
The weaker sex is really the stronger sex, because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex.
Why is it we never hear of a self-made woman?
In the old days your old man would say “Be home by midnight” and you’d be home by midnight. Today parents dare not tell you what time to be in. They’re frightened you won’t come back.
You may think you married the man of your dreams . . . But fifteen years later, you’re married to a reclining chair that burps.
A bean supper will be held Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.
Nothing in life is fun for the whole family.
The only things worth learning are the things you learn after you know it all.
It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.
The first law of politics: Never say anything in a national campaign that anyone might remember.
If love is blind. . .marriage must be like having a stroke.
My husband said he needs more space. So I locked him outside.
My husband and I found this great new method of birth control that really, really works. . .Every night before we go to bed, we spend an hour with our kids.
How do you tell the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Since this month’s column has jumped the fence, and taken material from the always popular “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader”. We, Mary Finn and me hope you’ve enjoyed it and that you’ll come back and read us again.
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